


Hold Tight to What Matters Most

by gardenprince



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Feelings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Missing Scene, Tenderness, post-pain's-assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-11 22:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20161168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardenprince/pseuds/gardenprince
Summary: Kakashi, along with many others, was killed during Pain's Invasion. Thanks to Naruto, Nagato brought them back, giving them a second chance at life.Nearly leaving this world forever makes you think. Kakashi decides that, this time around, he won't let his life go to waste.Now, he needs to talk to his closest friend, Gai.





	Hold Tight to What Matters Most

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for not uploading anything for a while there! Writing is hard and my energy has been low. I've had this fic almost done for almost a whole month, I kept adding to it and tweaking it, but it's finally done!
> 
> I also want to thank @hokageshizune (on tumblr and ao3) for helping me by being my beta reader!
> 
> Anyways, let's get to the fic.

The air was still that night. The clouds were sparse, white, fluffy things, illuminated from above and shadowed below, barely obscuring the moon and stars. The temperature had dropped from mildly sweaty, as it had been that afternoon, to slightly cool. Crickets chirped and night birds called, but they were distant- only background noise.

To Kakashi, nothing was louder than his thoughts in that moment. Sweat clung to his neck, chilled, and made him shiver. His palms were sweating, but his fingers were cold. One could blame it on the weather.

He walked through the streets, side by side with his closest companion, best friend and rival, Gai. If it were almost any other night, it would have just been them enjoying the pleasant silence and the tranquil Konoha night, but something set this time apart. The air was strained with a certain tenseness, as both of them knew that there was something waiting to be said from Kakashi's end. Gai, the good friend he was, waited for Kakashi to say it ever-so-patiently.

That's how they had always been, hadn't they- side by side? Gai waited for him, encouraging, but never forcing. He supported him, laughed with him, always had his back. It felt to Kakashi that not telling him this something would be a betrayal. Gai had a right to know, and Kakashi wanted him to know. In a way that felt selfish, he wanted to share the burden and receive comfort, as well, and though he knew it was healthy and fair to want as much, he reprimanded himself for those selfish motives.

He had to tell him. He had to know. Kakashi found it traitorous to keep it from him, and others may mention it. It would be disgusting, to Kakashi, if he were to let Gai figure it out on his own.

He cleared his throat once, and Gai looked to him.

"Let's go up high," Kakashi suggested, pointing to the roof of one of the buildings lining the street. They had stayed in the outer regions of Konoha for their walk, where there was minimal destruction. Gai agreed, and they helped each other to the top of it.

Now, they stood on its flat roof. Kakashi stood by the edge and looked off into the sky, refraining from leaning against the railing. He was more tense than usual, and it showed in his posture. Gai joined him, close-by enough so that Kakashi could feel his warmth. It was familiar, and it comforted him. Gai kept his eyes on him, watching his features.

Gai couldn't help but feel a little anxious. He was patient, but nevertheless spoke up, inviting and hopefully prompting him to speak.

"Did something... happen, Kakashi?"

It had not been that long since the invasion. A lot had happened, and a lot was still happening now that the village was recovering. He had the feeling, and a reasonable guess, that it was something about that.

Finally, Kakashi did speak, although not before swallowing a thick lump in his dry throat.

"I died."

Gai didn't respond for a moment. When he did, his voice was smaller, concerned and confused.

"What?"

Kakashi tried to continue, to clarify this statement, but it took a moment. The words didn't seem to want to come out.

(Or maybe they were right there, wanting to be said, but Kakashi couldn't muster up the strength.)

"In Pain's invasion," he didn't make eye contact with the man standing next to him, "When a lot of people died, but Pain brought them back... I was one of them." His last sentence came out with a sigh.

The information clicked with Gai, and he recognized what Kakashi meant. Kakashi couldn't look at him. He already knew how Gai's face looked, and he didn't want to see that pain.

"My rival... I..." Gai paused and stepped closer, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Kakashi closed his eye for a moment before forcing himself to look at Gai. "You didn't kill me, after all."

Gai frowned, his eyebrows furrowed deeply. "I'm sorry that you almost lost your precious life much too early." He took a breath, clasping a tentative hand over Kakashi's shoulder, "I don't think I can properly express how glad I am that you're still here. It might be selfish, but I can only think of how happy I am that I didn't lose you." It was clear that Gai's calmness came from intense restraint, as well as shock.

Gai's face was abnormally soft, but it still held that earnesty that Kakashi could trust.

He lifted his hand and brought it to the opposite shoulder, settling it on top of Gai's. They shared a gaze, and Kakashi felt his heart swell with a level of affection that, if he was honest with himself, frightened him a little.

"Thank you, Gai." He squeezed his hand, and Gai's expression softened.

He gave Gai a soft smile before he looked away, off into the distance to examine the stars as he thought for a moment.

“When I was dead, it wasn’t just blankness… someone else was there.” Kakashi took a breath to ease himself. “My father had been waiting for me to join him on the other side.” When he glanced at his friend, Gai’s eyes were wide. He was quiet, watching him and listening, and Kakashi took it as encouragement to continue.

“We talked for a while. I didn’t expect him to be there, and I don’t know how he was, but,” he looked up at the stars once more, “It feels better after being able to talk to him one more time.”

Gai squeezed his shoulder gently.

"At first, I was okay with my life ending there. I’d taught what I know to my students, they’ve surpassed me, and died fighting for a good cause. But then, he asked me to tell him the story of my life, and I realized… I didn’t want to die there. I still have regrets… things that I would've regretted leaving behind."

Gai’s grip tightened, and when Kakashi spared a look to him, he saw his eyes watering, “Kakashi…”

“It’s alright now, though. I’m back here with all of you… all of us that died there, we got a second chance.”

“We’re glad to have you back, Kakashi.”

Kakashi hummed in assent.

“Naruto’s sure surpassed me, hasn’t he? He’s the hero of Konoha. I’m proud… I’m proud of all of them.”

Gai, at another time, probably would’ve made a deal about Kakashi saying that; he’d probably be openly thrilled that Kakashi had grown soft over his students, after all.

“Thank you for telling me all of this, Kakashi. You’re being so open with me. It must be very difficult to say all of this, and it makes me so happy that you can do this with me.” A few tears spilled down Gai’s cheeks.

"It's not so scary, now that I told you, and now that I've... thought about what he said." Kakashi continued without waiting for Gai to prompt him further. "We talked, and got to understand each other better, to put short."

Gai gave him a gentle smile. "I'm glad you were able to do that- that is- to... see him again, not the circumstances..."

“Don’t worry, I know what you meant. I guess, I couldn't go then. I still have business back here." Kakashi let go of Gai's hand in favor of wrapping his arm around Gai's shoulders. "I have to watch your back, after all."

Gai's smile turned sad again. Humor didn't work well to lighten the mood, apparently. "I'm sorry that I couldn't watch your back."

Oh, Gai… "Gai..."

"I was out of the village, on a mission, with all of this happening. How can I not feel guilty? You're one of my most precious people Kakashi, and I wasn't there for you." He took both of Kakashi's hands. His eyes were brimming with tears. "You were killed, and I didn't come back fast enough. I would've done something if I knew. I would have been there. I would have been at your side. I just can't believe-" he stammered,"I'm supposed to- as your eternal rival- - I'm so sorry!"

The tears trickled down his cheeks now. They caught the light of the moon and made his wet skin glimmer. It was breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful, Kakashi couldn't help but think, and shocking in a way that made a lump in his throat.

Pushing past those thoughts, he knew that was bullshit- Gai had no responsibility for his half-death, but he also knew that Gai wasn't stupid; he could empathize- he's familiar with the guilt that comes whenever Gai is harmed, especially severely, with or without Kakashi there and able to watch his back. Plus, Gai has always felt things so deeply in that big heart of his. He knew that Gai needed his comfort.

"Gai," his voice was gentle and serious, and he tried to look his friend in the eye. "I promise there's no need to apologize. I know you would have done everything you could to help the village, if you were here, but you couldn't have known, and you were serving the village in another way. I can't blame you. I didn't even think to blame you."

Gai stared at him, just searching his face and about to burst with emotion.

Suddenly, the man hugged him. Kakashi returned it and felt the tightness in his chest ease instantly.

"It's not about the village." Gai responded, finally. His voice was still strained. "It's about the people I love, not the people of Konoha- I love them in a distant way. It's about my friends and students. It's about _ you _ ."

Gai clenched Kakashi's shirt in tight fist. Kakashi gripped him like he was holding him to this world.

"I love you, Gai."

The words were the only clear ones in Kakashi's messy head, and Kakashi somewhat surprised himself in saying them. Perhaps, his subconscious knew that he had to say them, and didn't let him think first- that would be smart of it, as Kakashi was sure to overthink himself out of it and stew in shame. Well, no looking back now.

Gai's crying picked up again, his breathing uneven now.

"I love you so much, Kakashi!"

Kakashi patted Gai's back, his heart skipping at hearing that said back, even if it was for the hundredth time.

"Just... please don't feel bad about something that wasn't your fault, alright? You didn't attack me. I'm still here, too. It's really alright."

Gai nodded and sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as the tears slow. "My apologies, rival. I'm just... overcome."

"I know. Me too. And it's okay, I promise."

"And I would never doubt any of your promises for a second!"

Kakashi let out a soft laugh, "I know."

Indulgently, Kakashi rested his cheek on Gai's shoulder, their hair tickling each others' skin. They stood like that for a minute longer before Gai spoke.

"Thank you for telling me, Kakashi."

"I had to tell you. It's... kind of big, and we're eternal rivals... not to mention you're kind of my best friend..."

That made Gai smile once more. "Oh, Kakashi! And you are mine. You are so sweet..." He paused a beat, then added, "It means a lot that you were so honest with me. Thank you.”

"Thank you for listening."

"Of course."

Kakashi gave Gai's back a few pats and pulled away. "It's been a long day. Let's head back now, shall we?"

Gai nodded, but looked like he wanted to say something. Kakashi waited the moment it took for him to speak. "Kakashi, wait, before that, just... one thing..." he lifted his hand to the back of his neck and scratched a little.

"Hmm?"

Gai stepped in front of him, looking Kakashi in the eye, and lifted a hand to touch Kakashi's cheek.

Kakashi's heart dropped into his stomach and frolicked unforgivingly. He looked back into Gai's eyes, both of his own blinking open. He couldn't do anything else.

"Kakashi, you are one of the people I care most about in this world. You know the other three." Gai swallowed. Kakashi would've seen his throat bob, if it weren't for the way he was trapped in his friend's intense stare. "I'm glad- to have you with me."

Gai's voice was pointedly soft. It made the words feel more purposeful, more special, more serious.

Kakashi didn't move, not even his face, not even a fraction. He didn't want to break the spell. It could've been fragile.

He found it hard to speak. The intimacy of the moment was palpable. It was doing funny things in his chest, taking his throat and squeezing it. For Gai, however, he forced through.

"Me too, Gai. You're one of the most important people to me, too." With that, he placed his palm over the back of Gai's hand, over his cheek.

It seemed that Gai was deeply affected by his earnesty, as his eyes shone after hearing that comment. God, it was too much for Kakashi, too much, but it was just what he wanted, and he couldn't look away from the emotion in Gai's eyes.

He wanted some other things, too, crazy things, like for Gai to hold him with his strong arms and pull down his mask with his warm, calloused hands, and kiss the breath out of him with his wonderful lips- oh, they were always so expressive, always smiling so wonderfully, always telling him the nicest things- and maybe he wanted to do those things to Gai, too.

Things were unspoken between them, but they were things they both knew, but this- did it run both ways? It had to, looking at the signs, but at the same time, it couldn't, shouldn't, had to, hopefully did.

"Would you mind if I told you something else tonight?"

Gai moves his hand to hang by his side, but holds Kakashi's hand, still. "Anything, my dear rival."

Those words choked him up for another beat, but he got past it.

"Thank you. I guess it's that… well, when you die, or almost die, it makes you think of the things you almost lost or left behind. For me, I guess it's obvious that the last challenge we had before the invasion could've been our last... forever." He paused and shook him head, looking away from Gai for a moment to breathe. Gai kept silent and let him speak.

"I'm glad it didn't turn out that way, huh?" He smiled at Gai, his eyes showing it in a crescent shape. "You're too good of a companion to me and too much of a…" he failed to think of the appropriate adjective to specify what type of person Gai was. "Well, words can't really describe what you are, Gai, but I couldn't be okay with dying and not having made more memories with you."

"Kakashi, it warms my heart to see you caring about living life to its full potential so much, and it means so much to me to hear you say-!" He cut himself off. "I'm sorry, continue, rival!"

Kakashi just laughed softly.

"I love you, Gai. That's what i wanted to tell you." And, it was surprisingly not as scary as he fretted it may be.

"You've told me tonight, already! That's not to say I don't appreciate hearing it again, though, as I love you as well."

"Ah- no, I…" Kakashi cleared his throat. "You-- I... I know it's uncharacteristic of me to say, maybe, but I'm serious. I love you." His heart pounded, and he emphasized the word in hopes that Gai would get it this time.

"I'm… afraid I don't understand!" Gai's voice wavered.

"Damn it," he cursed softly, letting go of Gai's hand to worry his fingers through his hair. "I'm gonna have to say it clearly, aren't I?" He dropped his hand. "Gai, you are my eternal rival, and my closest friend, and maybe something about seeing the afterlife is making me lose my mind, but in addition to that, I'm in love with you, Gai, and maybe I have been for years. No, scratch that, I have been. That's what I need you to know. God damn it, I like you."

Gai blinked at Kakashi. What was one supposed to do after hearing that? From another person, or at a different time, he would see it as a joke. It was hard to absorb, that someone was giving him this sort of attention, that Kakashi was saying this, and meaning it.

For some reason, Kakashi's assurances of care for Gai kept shocking him, both back after their race and right now. Did he really doubt his position in his closest friend's life that much, doubt his own worth?

Now was not the time to think about that, though. Gai pulled Kakashi in and gave him a strong hug, arms around his back and eyebrows furrowed with emotion.

"Oof!" Kakashi returned the hug after getting a breath in. "...Gai? Not to be pushy, but I'm getting a little worried here."

"My apologies, Kakashi. You've just overwhelmed me- in a good way! In the best possible way."

"Does that mean you-"

"Yes. I love you. There is a lot more to say about it, but I return your feelings, Kakashi."

"Oh. That's a relief."

Kakashi let out a deep breath and giggled a little, Gai laughed too, and soon, they were both laughing freely in joy, ridding the air of its tension.

They stand there for another moment after it dies down and simply enjoy being in each others' arms.

"Glad we got that settled." Kakashi was the first to speak, and pulled away. Gai nodded his agreement, sparing Kakashi his elaborate poetry-prose about the beauty of their love, for now.

Kakashi remembered how late it must be; surely, most others were probably indoors or in their tents, preparing to sleep. "I need some sleep. Join me?"

Gai gasped softly at the invitation, as if he wasn't invited in the first place. "Of course, my beloved." Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, Gai left the sentence off there. It made Kakashi's cheeks flush.

"Well, come on then, sweetheart, it's getting late."

Gai laughed, full, genuine.

"Saying things like that doesn't suit you at all, rival."

They made their way off the roof together. "What, don't like me calling you sweetheart?”

A glance out of the corner of Kakashi's eye told him that Gai was blushing too.

"Well, no- No! I mean, that is, I do not mind at all! You can call me whatever you like! It's just strange to hear from you, at least right now!"

Kakashi's heart only felt fonder. "I love you, Gai." As expected, that made Gai even more flustered, and Kakashi thought it was adorable. He was such an outwardly confident and tough person, but Kakashi was able to see how he was insecure, in little ways, under his peacocking. He knew how his partner was soft, sensitive, romantic. He couldn't contain his emotions, and anyone could see that, but Gai was more careful about those that were scarier to him. Kakashi could understand. It made him feel an amount of affection for Gai that was not so terrifying anymore.

Basically, seeing Gai blush and stammer was cute. Sometimes, it was hard to believe that they were not young boys, stumbling over their words and dancing around each other, anymore. For all intents and purposes, they were the same boys, especially when it was just them.

"I love you, too, Kakashi." Gai's response pulled Kakashi from his thoughts. His voice was softer than normal, but firm and sure. "And I will not stop telling you, for I will not stop doing so, never, for the rest of my life- no, longer than that." As he said so, he looked Kakashi in his uncovered eye.

Kakashi believed him completely.

  


As they settled in to their shared tent, the exhaustion of the day set in.

It was near a fair amount of other tents, which were also occupied by shinobi of the leaf. Their location was cozy, yet spacious enough, to be fairly comfortable- that is- considering how the destruction of the town was nearby. Kakashi and Gai's apartments had been damaged, and even if they were livable, the men were both needed here as shinobi.

The decision to share the space was obvious, and they both did it naturally.

There was plenty of space for both of them to lie, have their packed necessities near them, and still move around a little. Even with the available wiggle room, they left no space between themselves. This was also natural.

They both peeled off their vests and hitai-ate, toed off their sandals, and settled into the same sleeping space, thin futon underneath them and blankets on top, over the tarp on the ground. Instead of falling asleep, however, they laid on their sides holding each other in silence. They silently stared at each other, comfortable. Arm around Gai's neck, Kakashi's hand shifted his mask down to bunch at his chin. Gai's hand traveled to his rival's face; touching his scar, his cheek, his mouth, smoothing over his jaw and grazing carefully over his mole. His touch was soft, making Kakashi shiver.

He wanted to kiss him.

Gai was the one to first break the silence with his warm tone.

"Would it be okay to…"

"Hm?" Kakashi's eyes moved from his lips to his eyes. They were dark, yet bright, like always.

"My apologies, it's strange, and illogical of me…"

Gai made to retract his fingers, curling them inwards slightly, but Kakashi's own hand shot up and kept it there, close to his face.

"No. You don't have to apologize. What do you want? Ask, Gai."

Gai hesitated. "I want to… do you mind if I just look at you, for a while longer? Is it uncomfortable for you?"

It was a simple request. Kakashi was surprised that Gai even asked. "Only if i get to look back." There was a faint smile on Kakashi's lips, wrinkling the skin around his tired eyes.

Gai smiled as well. The expression grew slowly, until it was a full, gentle smile.

"We've been staring at each other for a while now, Gai. Trust me, with you, it's fine. It's nice, even. More than nice. I want it."

"And so do I. I want to know that you are here."

"How about I help that by not letting you go, either?"

"I would be sure to return the favor."

"Thanks, Gai."

Gai stroked Kakashi's silver hair in the dim space. Their features were delicately illuminated by the moon outside. They were hidden safe in soft shadow, but the light was enough for them to see each other this close.

"My rival is so kind," Gai said, "and so handsome."

"Really? So is mine."

"Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed softly, adoringly.

"Gai."

"I love you, Kakashi."

Kakashi felt his heart swell, and his resolve left him. He took Gai's face in hand, cupping his cheek and jaw, and leaned closer, until their noses were only centimeters apart. Their breaths mingled, and he heard Gai's hitch.

Sharingan open and spinning slowly, he took in the image of Gai's face, his pupils blown and eyes wide and questioning, reflecting moonlight in their depths, eyelashes dark and long and gorgeous.

"I love you too, you know. I have for a long time." Kakashi pushed past the tight feeling in his chest and brushed his thumb over Gai's high cheekbone. "I think I always will."

Gai's eyes shone then, and Kakashi smiled softly at that, and then he pressed his lips to Gai's for the first time.

It seemed befitting that their first kiss would include smiling.

The kiss was soft, sweet, a simple press of lips against Gai's own that made the latter gasp a little before pressing back. It lingered just like that for a good few seconds, until Gai sighed out his breath and moved his lips so that Kakashi's bottom one was between his own.

It stayed slow, lasting a few minutes, with the only major change being hands moving to each other's backs and shoulders and hair. They enjoyed the tender caresses, the only sounds audible to them being the quiet noises of their mouths and the rustling of the sheets.

To say the least, it was lovely. It was perfect. It was just what they needed.

When they parted, they didn't move far, arms still around each other, eyes closed as they caught their breaths.

Kakashi was the first to speak. He opened his eyes to see Gai staring back at him, his gaze overwhelming Kakashi a little with the intensity and gentleness of it.

"Took long enough for that to happen, huh?"

Gai laughed softly in response, and kissed Kakashi's hand.

"I'd wait just as long, a hundred times if I had to, if it meant that I could do it again."

"Oh, Gai, you're such a sap," he teased, and luckily the dark hid the blush on his face, "You can just do it again right now." He gave Gai a grin, and Gai returned it with his own, and it shone like the moon above them.

So, Gai kissed Kakashi, and Kakashi kissed Gai back, over and over again, as many times as they wanted to, until they grew too tired.

There were things not said aloud by Kakashi that night: how Kakashi would've hated to leave Gai behind, to leave his opportunities behind; in dying, he would have lost the possibilities of the future, a future with Gai, and a future with their students and closest friends. He almost lost the chance to be more honest with himself and become a better version of himself, but he was put back in this world. A world known to be cruel and unforgiving seemed to have forgiven him. He supposed that a rude awakening was what he needed to better realize how he couldn't let his chances go to waste.

He kissed Gai's forehead, and they slept in peace that night.

Tomorrow and the days after would hold their own challenges, but with each other at their sides, the future didn't seem so intimidating.

And, they could kiss each other over and over and over again, as much as they wanted to.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I think I like how this turned out, finally.
> 
> As always, make sure to leave a kudos and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day. 
> 
> This has been something in my head for a while. They _had_ to have talked about this. Gai had to have known what happened, and I don't think Kakashi would want to leave it unspoken. I've also felt that Kakashi's almost-death was an important moment for his character development.


End file.
